Dear Daniel

Today was rough. In some ways it was wonderful. I went to St. Paul's and talked for two whole hours about a program for mentorship that I get to build from scratch. Then Missy tore into me. Those two hours had scared and triggered her. My phone had been flipped upside down as I talked to Father Andrew. Unbeknownst to me she had texted and called multiple times. I left immediately. I have to realize she's going through hell. I let her rant. I let her rave. I apologized profusely, but she seemed to think, at least initially that I had done it on purpose. I still raw and grief stricken from the argument. There were multiple times that she did not answer the phone this past weekend after promising me she would be on set. But she chose to coddle her troubled youngest sister. I initially was angry but let it go because I was trying to LET HER be HER. But now looking back I wonder if its a mistake to keep pressuring her to be my producer. Don't get me wrong, she's my best friend and sister from another mister. I don't usually make miststeps like that. But I can't control how she feels I can only control how I act in response. She asked me if I would leave her sitting in jail for the movie. God forgive me but fuck yes. If it was a felony. I would not upend my life to coddle her if she had demonstrated that behavior. But here's the thing, she would never put herself in that situation. It's not something I would have to worry about. She is my friend, I forgive her. I hope she can forgive my misstep. Sincerely, Amy Leigh McCorkle

DEAR DANIEL CRAIG

This past weekend I experienced the greatest experience of my professional career. I made my third feature film. It tells the story of a young woman's odyessy through a mental health facility. Where she must confront her mental illness and come to peace with her demons. I so wish I could meet my heroes. In all actuality I have met some. Actually befriended some. Actually been mentored by varying levels of filmmakers, and storytellers. GO YOUR OWN WAY. In 2028 I am going to get my moment to meet Daniel Craig and get the opportunity to tell him what the movie Casino Royale was the catalyst for all that has been happening. In 2027 I will be taking home 3 Regional Emmys. In 2027 I will land on the NYT Bestsellers list. I'm not trying to be arrogant. I am creating my future. And want everyone to know you can do it too. Till next time Amy Leigh McCorkle

Dear Daniel Craig

 Daniel,

It has been years since the last time I came here. So much has happened since 2018. I finally made the movie. In fact I made 40+ movies. Multiple distribution deals. Over 36 books. In October I will be shooting my third feature film.

With Walking Dead star Santiago Cirilo producing with me and Missy and co-starring Go Your Own Way stands to be my breakout film. We secured theatrical distribution, global streaming, and DVD!

Imaginarium is coming up and I get to present the Del Weston Award to some great people. Letters to Daniel is a niche hit.

I writing two books, a companion book for Go Your Own Way and When Doves Cry.

Thursday I will be teaching a master class and pitching Atlas Management.

I am positioning GYOW for the Film Independent Spirit Awards.

Daniel I loved the movie Queer, and adored all three Knives Out Movies.

I've been inducted into the International Indie Filmmakers Hall of Fame out Cleveland, OH. Won close to 300 awards including 4 Tellys, a Silver Davey, an ISA, and a World Entertainment Award.

Your work and advocacy has immeasurably inspired me in this journey. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Amy Leigh McCorkle

Dear Daniel Craig

Dear Daniel,

Good morning. Today promises to be a brilliant day. A great night’s sleep. Meds taken. The sun is shining. Music is rocking. And today I come to you happier than I’ve been in awhile.

I’m working on the Guardian Episode 4 and I’m thinking of working on a novel. There’s something very cathartic about working on a book. Something soothing and healing that you don’t necessarily get when you’re working on a screenplay.

It’s funny. As irritable as I’ve been over the last few days I have felt myself getting better. Although I’m sure those living with me might disagree. I guess the best way to say it is that I don’t feel unstable and fried and depressed.

I know I felt lost and alone and like I could trust and reach out to no one when maybe that wasn’t necessarily the case. Isolation and loneliness are nasty, tricky little monsters that my disease likes to unleash on my brain when I’m at my most vulnerable.

People ask what my most cherished dream might be. Truthfully it changes. But my most cherished wish is to meet Daniel Craig.

When I’m feeling blue or like I can’t handle the world on the world’s terms I pull down Cowboys and Aliens or Skyfall and pop it in and do a little daydreaming and set to writing with him in mind as the lead. Or rather the physical incarnation of him that I can project some dysfunctional version of that I can lead to some sort of redemption by the last page of the story that I can pen “the end” on.

Truthfully it is difficult to clear the mind and rest when everything is noise, noise, noise. Sometimes I just want to sleep and forget that the world has other plans for you and your sanity.

I have been listening to music. Now I have to turn it off. It’s too much for my jangled nerves. I figure once I eat and have my tea I’ll sleep for another hour or so.

Sometimes I dream of the day I meet Daniel. And I fear he might ruin it. How can he possibly live up to the dream and the fantasy I have in my head of the advocate and the sweet man I hope that he is?

You’re  an incredibly private man. And even though I know sharing my life and journey of healing and pain in such a way that it invites some sharp tooth critics to take aim at my very soft heart and criticize me I don’t know if I could take my hero’s “rejection” of the advocacy platform that I have been using to reach out to the world at large when I feel so isolated and alone from this world.

I don’t know if my family understands how important it is from me to talk to another human being. That physical human contact and comforts and love is crucial to my healing and continued recovery.

I certainly don’t expect Daniel to fill this void. As we don’t know one another. And truth be told he has no clue I exist. Or what this blog is about. He is a universe away and the reality is we most likely will never meet. And  that’s okay. This blog is about me reaching out to the world and the world reaching back and somehow we figure out how to make it through a day living with severe mental illness without giving into it’s awful tendrils of darkness. And allowing our collective lights to shine through.

Sincerely,

Amy McCorkle