Dear Daniel

Dear Daniel,

I know it’s been a while since I checked in. I’ve been hiding from the world. I got some bad news. Not life ending or life altering just news I would have rather not received. You’re the Reason and City of the Damned didn’t make it to the semi-finalist round of any category of Austin.

I mean, the odds weren’t in our favor. There were over 8600 entries. We have a better shot at finding an agent through a cold query or just attending a film festival. But here’s the harsh reality. Fandom Fest was when Missy could get off. She blew her entire vacation time on it and really it kind of paid off. All those books sold, meeting Grant Wilson, meeting Adrian Paul, meeting Brian O’Halloran. Making a possible contact in Grant. Selling 34 books. Winning the screenplay competition. It was incredible. Success is not final and failure is not fatal.

It took me a little while to recover from the rejection of the contest. The real let down is in not being able to attend Austin in and of itself. The knowledge we have now in how to work a festival would serve us much better. But perhaps that isn’t our path to take.

As part of forcing myself out of this depressive funk I submitted two query letters, one for each of the screenplays Missy and I penned to a literary agent. And I submitted CORNBREAD to Random House Alibi, Blackwyrm, and MuseItUp so when I hear back I know I’ll be okay. I’m not really thinking about those things at the moment I’m juggling several projects all of which are interesting enough to me I’m not worried about contracts.

Still, I really wanted to attend a film festival. But the reality is I’m attending Context, a literary con at the end of this month and everything I have is put towards that. A table, a reading, I’ll be moderating a book to movie panel, and somehow I managed to land on a make ‘em laugh panel. And while I can produce funny moments, or have my characters sat funny things a comedic writer I am not. I don’t have that timing that some people are innately born with.

I’m a serious writer and I write about dramatic or sometimes melodramatic things. Not to say that’s somehow better or superior to comedic writing. As a matter of fact I think comedic writing is harder. And I’m not even particularly good at it.

But in order to recover I’ll be doing basic signings. One at A Reader’s Corner, one at Bullitt County’s Author Fair, and one at Half-Price Booksellers. And maybe even Joseph-Beth.

Next month I’m off. I need a mattress so that I can get more than four hours of sleep. I have to pay my publicist. But next month I’ll be purchasing books and going on a shopping spree at NaNoWriMo Store. They are single handedly responsible for my slavish discipline and why I write so much every day. Okay, so maybe mine and Missy’s friendship and my decided lack of a social life has something to do with it too.

But in order to recover I watch Casino Royale, Cowboys & Aliens, and Skyfall. These movies, among others make me feel better and give the sense that if I work harder enough, don’t give up, and just believe bigger things will happen for me and Missy.

I want to thank you for that. I recently wrote a graphic novel and a play based upon my bestselling Bounty Hunter. I don’t see much coming of them but imagining you in the lead of the play or the screenplay makes me dream big. And maybe one day I’ll be fortunate enough to work with one of my heroes.

Sincerely,

Amy McCorkle

Dear Daniel

Dear Daniel,

Today was a bad day. It’s one of those days where being human catches up to me and I have to realize, as far as I reach in my treatment sometimes it exceeds my grasp. And the fact is some days the depression can not be faked out. Can not be tricked into submission. And can not be left behind by some willful act of aggression on my mania’s part. People are going to be unhelpful, not by any act of malice, but by being consumed by their own exhaustion or previous commitments and I’m going to be left alone with thoughts of why won’t they help me. I ask for it from strangers and friends and most times they go out of their way to give it. But tonight I get nothing from those I live with.

I put on dinner. Instead of making burgers for myself and Missy I gave them the meat to put in the spaghetti sauce. I could dwell on all the bullshit they do and stay in the name of pushing my career forward or I could move out and make it infinitely more difficult.

In some ways I have it very good. I live rent free in nice home, well, in a room with my cat, with pictures of inspiration all around me. Including a Skyfall official poster with you as Bond standing next to the Astin Martin. Effective gun porn. I have a vision board of all that I hope to achieve one day. An autographed photo of Adrian Paul, the Highlander. An official film poster for Going Under, short movie that Missy and I co-wrote, co-directed, and co-produced.

My crutch during times of emotional pain, Captain Oreo and his co-hort Private Doritos are also at the ready should I choose to numb myself up.

I wish I could articulate how lonely and isolated this house makes me feel sometimes. I have to force myself to think logically in the middle of emotional turmoil, the kind that threatens to suck me under from time to time.

Even in the face of such good fortune bipolar disorder doesn’t discriminate. These last two and a half years have been an exhilarating ride. From nobody in the middle of nowhere to small press sensation (in my own mind of course lol) and film festival winner with a small cadre of friends, the kind that God sends when you’re in need of the best kind. Special shout outs to Pamela Turner and Missy Goodman.

Each have their place in my heart. Each feed my imagination. Each do their part to keep me sane. And as I watch Mother I am struck by your talent and just how far you’re willing to go for your work. Again Daniel you inspire me, well your work does, to help me come out of the deepest and darkest of funks and depressions. Makes me feel safe when indeed there is every reason to fear what is around me, and gives me hope as I wait to hear from the Austin Film Festival and pray somehow to make it at least to the semi-finalist round so that we can actually afford to go.

Sincerely,

Amy McCorkle