People want to know what my secret to recovery is. None of it’s a secret. Here recently our little film that could has suffered some setbacks. It has stressed me out. It’s made me question whether or not it is worth forging ahead with the dream that is Letters to Daniel. You see stress is a big trigger for me. The more stress I feel the more unbalanced things become, the more vulnerable to manic or depressive episodes I get.
Is it anyone’s fault that this is the case? Of course not. It’s not even mine. But when the stress bears down on me it becomes difficult to function properly. It often pushes me to the edge and that can be hard not just on me but everyone around me who must deal with the person I become under these conditions.
It is incumbent upon me and those around me to make sure I don’t make a rushed or rash decision. No one deserves that. Not the other producers, the cast or the crew. Letters to Daniel is a team, a family. One that is reliant on each working part doing its job to see to it that the film makes it to the finish line.
If there is one thing I am most proud it’s my ability to acknowledge when something becomes too much to deal with. And when it is, to lean on those around me for support and encouragement.
Perhaps things would be much easier if I could just learn to roll with the punches. Alas it is a specific skillset I am sorely lacking in. I absorb each punch and feel its full force. These punches hurt. They often sending me flying only to land hard on my ass each time. It takes time to recover. Some punches aren’t as hard as others. Therefore they don’t take as long as to recover from them.
Sometimes you absorb multiple blows in a short time and it leaves you questioning whether or not you should be on this path at all.
But then my best friend on this journey, Missy absorbs some of my attitude, picks me up dusts me off, and drives me through the park and brings me to the bookstore where I go to get in touch with the true joy of what I do.
Writing is where I keep my balance.
Writing is where I find my joy.
Writing is where I find my healing.
Writing is where I find the strength to get back up to fight another day. It’s where I find the purpose of why I started writing this blog in the first place.
Letters to Daniel has never been about the fame and the fortune. It’s been about following the light your work has inspired me to follow my own creative endeavors. It’s been about shining my light so that others might be able to find their way out of the darkness.
Sharing my hope and day to day recovery, and showing them that, even when there are setbacks, as they will happen, it is possible to keep going, one foot in front of the other.
That it’s not about when you get knocked down. That it’s more about the decision to get. back. up.
Already, with the penning of this blog I feel better. I know that the journey ahead, although stressful will be worth it when all is said and done.