The question isn’t how many times can you get knocked down, but how many more times it takes for you to get back up. Of course, I’ve been knocked down countless times. Had the wind knocked out of me by different people I thought I could trust. Been open and honest to a fault and let people in without thinking twice about what I shared. This blog has been an open letter to anyone who’ll listen to explain that pain is a very real part of the journey. That dark hearted and mean spirited and manipulative people can be just as real now in the damage they seek to do as they ever were in the past.
My film inspired by this blog and memoir was a very personal and important thing to me. Almost sacred in nature. To have someone actively sabotage it and come after me as a person and as a writer well, I don’t pretend to understand or like it. I guess I should know better. This person has done damage in the past before. They’re manipulative and controlling and nothing but a gossip.
This Con community that has welcomed me into its family has been nothing but kind and supportive. Yet this person has been nothing but catty and negative when it comes to people who’ve done nothing but do kind things for me and help me up the career ladder.
From Fandom Fest to Imaginarium this person has nothing but nasty things to say about people they’ve worked with or been so called colleagues with.
It’s not as if they haven’t tried to control me or drive a wedge between me and people who are real friends before. As Missy’s father used to say. If you aren’t going to listen you’re going to have to feel.
This time ‘this debacle’ as their former employer supposedly called my film will not look like the same film that left their editing suite. Pamela Turner and Missy Goodman once again have proven why they are the very definition of what good people and true friends are.
Stephen Zimmer has proven to me why everyone, including myself adores him so on the Con circuit. Dave Mattingly proves to me why people gravitate towards him as a publisher. They are genuinely good people. They have your back and don’t listen to the ranting and ravings of a disgruntled party.
In the end I know I have to put the negativity behind me. I’ve never had an experience where the person literally set out to destroy me and my dream in a scorch the earth manner. As if to say ‘you’ll never eat lunch’ in this town again.
But the reality of all of this was I was letting this person get over on me. Letting their negativity get the best of me. Well no more of that. I remembered this blog and what its intent was. To provide me with a soft place to fall when chaos around me reigned.
So let me state here. I’m going have oatmeal for breakfast. Then I’m going to pack my lunch to take to Pam’s where I’m going to re-edit the film. I’m willing to bet it’s going to be a hundred times better without the negative about it.
It’s really good to have the people who count stand by you while the people who don’t just kind of drift away into the background. Whether their screaming or silently murmuring it’s nice to know I can feel good about moving forward without their influence on me anymore.