Dear Daniel Craig

Dear Daniel,

There are things I wish people understood. That I wish people knew. Some diseases simply can’t be “prayed away” while I believe in God and have a strong spiritual core I don’t believe that He gave me this disease for a reason. And conversely I don’t believe I’ve been cursed with it either by the Devil.

I believe genetics played a large part in it. Just the same I don’t think my parents are the reason I have this illness either. Sometimes that’s just the luck of the draw.

I do believe, however, that God gave me tools in order to get better. It does not, however, make it easier on me when I am stigmatized by people who don’t ‘get it’. Truth be told it makes it harder. It makes me angry. It makes me want to scream about inclusion and the message of kindness and compassion.

I wrote a faith based script about mental illness and what I believe is the answer. The truth is upsetting to some. That the answer isn’t a magic man in the sky that will simply “pray it away”. Or that meds are a panacea.

The truth is you need both of these things. Prayer, meditation, whatever your spiritual stripes go a long way to supporting meds, therapy and the support of friends and family. And when faced with stigma it can be hard not to have a knee jerk reaction.

I really try not to. Sometimes people don’t understand their actions are stigmatizing, but when shown the light they respond positively to it. I truly believe Letters to Daniel happened because the Universe knew I needed something beyond the storytelling I was doing. Not that it wasn’t fulfilling, but my soul was crying out for more. For a true purpose to my life. And what Letters to Daniel became was my answer to that. A way to reach out to others with this disease.

It can seem unfair when those around us have what feel like cruel reactions. People often shun and fear what they don’t understand. Or have pat answers to complicated situations which only serve to hurt us more.

But I know there a great deal many more people who simply do not understand and all they need is for us to put a face on it, to share our stories with them and they will come to understand I’m sure of it.

For the reasons I have explained many times before, Letters to Daniel and mental health advocacy are my purpose in life. Writing and film are my twin passions. I will be adding a podcast widget to this blogsite. The name of the podcast is Amy Unplugged and my first one is New Year’s Eve at 6PM EST. Please join me and my guests for a raw, real and frank discussion about mental illness and what it takes to survive the holidays!

Sincerely,

Amy Leigh McCorkle

Dear Daniel Craig

Dear Daniel,

It's been over a year since I've written one of these confessional letters. I often  have good things to say to you recently. But the truth is although many, many great things are happening to me the bipolar disorder still lurks. And often times when it seems everything is at it's best I am at my most vulnerable.

Things trigger my depression this time of year. The holidays although I love them leave me feeling empty and haunted by things I have no control over. Stress is the demon I cannot seem to shake. It is always there, hissing like a snake, mocking me even in my successes, letting me know whether it is good stress or bad stress, my bipolar disease doesn't like it.

You see me online trying to keep the dreadful depression from pulling me under. But these last few days it has had its boot heel on my throat. Daring me to breathe a deep breath. And when I do attempt a gasp of air? Stress pushes down hard laughing at me. How dare I be normal? How dare I dream of greater things than what the world has seemed fit for me?

I fight. I fight so hard every day for my place in this world. I keep my head down. I push so hard. I do the impossible, I make two films. I write scripts. I want bigger things. I want the world to know I am more than my illness. More than my disease. Yet everyday it threatens to consume me if I am not aware it's symptoms.

People say slow down. You'll burn out. Don't over do it. So I took a month off. And now I find myself in quicksand. Two films to promote. To put on the festival circuit. A third film to find financing for and scripts a novel and a new memoir to write. In a way no way to support them.

I say to Missy the odds are against me. I say to Missy, I don't want to wake up if I feel as if I want to die tomorrow. I say to Missy there is no way for me to accomplish any of this. I sit in despair and cry out to anyone who'll listen. The disease may go into remission but the nature of beast is that it is cyclical and it can squash you like a bug.

And Missy says to me. The odds have always been against you, but that has never stopped you before. Missy says to me turn to your blog, be honest, it helped you soar in the past, it will help you soar now. Missy says to me, your disease was in remission once, it will be there again, call your therapist in the morning. Contract for safety with me and I'll be there for you.

I will find funding for Letters to Daniel. I will find a way to make it to the festivals I need to make it to.  I will write until their are no other words left to write. I will call my therapist. And will continue my journey of recovery one step, one minute, one second, one day at a time.

Sincerely,

Amy Leigh McCorkle