Dear Daniel Craig

Dear Daniel Craig,

When I started this blog initially it was just supposed to be an open letter of gratitude to you. But about halfway through the letter I realized I was creating a platform of sorts for others like me. Those who had survived abuse and were making a life for themselves even though mental illness was a daily part of the routine.

Recently I’ve been slipping. Not with the medication. But moodwise. Everyone is happy to see the victories, especially me. Professionally I’ve been on something of a roll. Lots of victories there. But getting admittedly behind the scenes things have been much harder for me.

Maintaining a sense of balance and putting more good days together than  bad ones has seemed nearly  impossible. The weather and changing of the seasons has wreaked havoc on me. And as excited as I am for the upcoming film festival season financial stress, the anxiety of traveling alone, and the reality that I’ve invested a lot in my career is freaking me out.

The last three days have been especially bad. It’s been like being in a dark room with the door shut and locked. No light to see to guide me out.

I guess some would say, “think positive”, but for me it comes down to going back to the basics. Wake up at 8am, take my meds immediately. Eat a healthy breakfast. Keep caffeine to a minimum. Eat a healthy lunch. Write. Have a midday snack. Dinner. Write some more.

Yesterday was so bad I couldn’t write at all.

I missed an appointment with my therapist at the beginning of the month and the walk-in clinic complicated matters by first sending me home. Second having my therapist call in sick. The second one couldn’t be helped I’m sure. Then yesterday I got a lecture for missing the first appointment.

Things looked horrible, I was losing the excitement I had for ICFF which Missy and I have worked very hard for and the whole world was just closing in on me. I couldn’t breathe. I was suffocating. The thought of attending a festival we had worked so hard to set up for maximum impact on our projects seemed to be slipping away right along with my hard won sanity.

I had been isolating and not wanting to get out of the house. Not get out of bed. I slept all day. Took my meds eat and fall back asleep. Then lay awake half the night. Then repeating the cycle. I played fast and loose with the timing of my medication so that “I could write”.

I’m hoping I got of that train by taking a step back and in choosing my next project. By combining two passions of mine, long verrrry slow walking/running and mental health advocacy and continuing this blog as a part of my treatment plan. I will follow blog/book/documentary format with Letters to Daniel once again, with this installment being called Letters to Daniel: Recovery Is Not An Endpoint. With the blog continuing with it’s original title Letters to Daniel. To those who see this as a money grab. What you think doesn’t matter to me anymore. Yes I want to make money. But the truth is this, the people who need to see this will see this. And I need it emotionally and psychology for my own healing as the people who might be reading this might need it for theirs.

Lastly, I want to thank my caregiver, Missy Goodman for taking me to a place where I see the Universe in all its beauty and getting me outside of my own head. It can be a dark place with little to no light getting in. Yet she’s always there for me. So if you are in active recovery for bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, PTSD or substance abuse drop me a line through the contact form here. Or hit me up at klynd75@gmail.com.

Missy is also my creative partner in crime of over 20 years. She is often tasked with the thankless role of Producer on our documentaries. Much love my friend. Much love.

Sincerely,

Amy McCorkle