Dear Daniel,
Christmas Eve has come and gone and the reactions of
Missy and the girls were exactly as I’d hoped they be. Excited, exuberant, and
appreciative. Now I’m experiencing some of the other effects of the bipolar
roller coaster. Sleep deprivation. I’ve had all of an hour of sleep. I don’t
wish that kind of shit on anyone. It makes for one hot mess of an emotional
human being. I’m including a picture of me and Rebecca from Christmas Eve, she’s
the tall excited one holding the Gears of Golgotha book cover/poster I had
designed for her by publisher/cover artist for Hekate Press Delilah K.
Stephans. She absolutely loved it. As you can see in the picture. She and her
sisters gave me a nice wallet, when I opened it—per their instructions there was
a Barnes and Noble Gift Card in there. A very nice gesture, one that they didn’t
have to do and one I didn’t prompt them for.
I got Bridgette a 3 Disc set of K-Pop music, and
Mary a book with believer/skeptic viewpoints on the paranormal. They were all
engrossed in their gifts, utterly appreciative and next to their reactions like
I said, other than Missy I was rather meh, over the whole thing.
So tonight, as I drifted off to dreamland I day
dreamed a little bit on what it might be like to win at Nashville. I’ve entered
other contests. I’d like to win those. I’m a bit of a glory hog and moving
forward in Hollywood is a much different game than say…being queen of the hill
in the small press world. I mean things professionally got even sweeter the 23rd
when I received a letter from a July con in Indianapolis that told me
unofficially I had been excepted for the dealer’s hall AND the panelist’s list.
Professionally things just happen for me in a way that some would say is luck.
But what is luck other than preparation meeting
opportunity? Christmas with Missy was spectacular. She got me movie candy, A
Christmas Story Fudge, A Christmas Story mug, a soft kitty warm kitty t-shirt,
4 books, the authors, Sherrilyn Kenyon, JR Ward, and Veronica something of
Divergent fame. She got me a hollow wooden book with the streets of California
on it, a pretty hat box, with a golden horseshoe she’s been waiting for to fall
out of my ass, wine glasses, a journal and a really cool picture that starts
off with the phrase today is the day.
But the day dream. I think about winning at
Nashville and then I think about meeting my heroes professionally and I wonder,
given my personality, could I hold my shit together?
Like you. I mean you’re super talented, and your
acting, your style of acting is one I like as a writer. It affords me a wide
berth in imagining you in different roles. For my first 7 books I imagined you
as the hero and romantic lead. In my memoir you were the quiet witness to my
life story. And in the Bella Morte series you are the title character’s father
who wants her prepared to meet her destiny, but reluctant to let it come to her
for fear it will take her from him once again.
I don’t know you, Mr. Craig, but I’d like to think I
could keep my shit together if I met you. But here is the reality. I, am very
much, a grateful person for the blessings that have come into my life. And meeting
someone who inspires me to my potential the way that your work does I might
indeed lose my shit. Not that I scream and act a fool. But I might cry happy
tears and want to let you know that during my dark times. Like now when I can’t
sleep and am struggling to keep my head above water, I can pop in Skyfall, or
Casino Royale, or Quantum of Solace, or my fave, Cowboys & Aliens. I would
love to see some of your smaller films. It’s nice to see your range. I’ve seen
clips from Layer Cake and Mother and you are likable even when it’s obvious
your character is a two timing douchebag. LOL. You have created a terrific body
of work.
I dream of a day when I can meet and work with all
of my heroes. But your work has made a meteor sized crater and left quite the
imprint on my creative process. Maybe if you read my work you’d think it was
crap. I won’t lie, something like that would devastate me. However, I’m proud
of who I am and what I’ve become.
Mentoring my cousin Rebekah through the minefields
of an initial diagnosis and helping her build a readership through a really
good blog helps me take my mind of my struggle some.
So when I finish the edits and Bella Morte:
Beginnings is released onto the unsuspecting public, please know that next
Missy’s name, yours will be included in the dedication. Because sleepless
nights like this remind of how important your work is to me and my creative
survival. I respect you and your work. And as much as I love you as James Bond.
I’m more than aware you are not him. And that like me, you would like the
freedom to make your creative choices as you see fit. And not as the world at
large would demand it.
Sincerely,
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