Emotionally speaking it’s been a bumpy time. Mom is sick and is due for major surgery. Dad is due for knee replacement surgery. And recently a friend of mine passed unexpectedly. I made friends with her via facebook and my one of my publishing houses. She was also an actress and had worked with you on Skyfall. She remarked that you were private and tended to keep to yourself and although this blog might suggest otherwise often when it’s hardest for me I don’t have any desire to come on here and blast my troubles. But I realize sometimes there’s a bigger picture. That there are others out there who might take something away from my words forces me to write when I am sad.
It’s easy to write when I’m angry or happy, the energy is there and the words often come fast and furious. But at times like these, when someone has passed, my loved ones are ill, or if events seem to conspire to rob me of a moment in the sun it’s embarrassing to come on and talk about how I feel like no one understands where I’m coming from, because the reality is, someone, somewhere reading this will understand and it will help them. Just as writing this is cathartic to me.
Let’s start with the seemingly petty. Large sums of cash, a lot of incredibly hard work went into the results I got at Indie Gathering. Suddenly people and things started either letting me down, going seriously wrong, or backing out of making the trip with me. I won’t say their names. They know who they are, and although I’m working on forgiveness and resentment it’s still hard if I allow myself to think about it too much. So I don’t.
However, things have worked out. Mom fronted the cash for a Greyhound Bus ticket, the hotel will allow me to ship books to them directly for sales at my vendor table, and Pam will be making the trip with me. Problem solved. Although the person who I expected to make such an auspicious journey with me picked another con and a family vacation over Indie Gathering. As is her right. And it still burns that she did that, for the second time. She doesn’t understand why I feel this way. She doesn’t get as excited as I do. Doesn’t need the trophies, she’s content with the win. She’s more mature than me in this regard as I worked hard and I want to celebrate.
Moving on. Mom is sick. How sick? Her diverticultis flared. I believe the abcess was there in her colon in May and these much vaunted doctors she believes in without question fucking failed her and fucked up so that now she has to have major bowel resection surgery. Thanks for nothing Dr. Sasser. And with knife happy surgeon ready to slice and dice her I’m nervous and scared. And the surgery is scheduled for the third week of next month. Which collides with Indie Gathering. I pray that the surgery is at the beginning of the week. Since Mom has been home from the hospital Brandy and Sara have been scarce. Figures. During the day I take care of Mom. In the evening Dad does. But next week dad has knee replacement surgery. I wonder where the darling younger siblings will be then. Nowhere I suspect after the hospital stay.
Now to my most serious news. I mentioned a friend of mine had passed that you worked with on Skyfall. I knew her as Victoria Ley, author of the Darkseed Series. You may have known her as Victoria Shellie on the set of Skyfall. She was also in Les Mis.
She loved talking to me about her times on set and although she didn’t understand why I admired you so much she didn’t judge me for it. She didn’t understand the point of this blog either. But even so, I loved talking to her on Facebook as neither of us really had the kind of money that would have supported transatlantic phone calls.
We talked frankly about our publishing careers and where they were at and where we wanted to see them go. She wasn’t always happy with the status quo and although I love writing screenplays she found it to be a soulless experience, but she was really good at it. And there were people who wanted to turn her Dark Seed book into a film. How I hope her family pursues that in honor of her.
She let me talk about your movies to a point I think others would have thought I was a nut job, but really she understood what you meant as a source of inspiration to me and my success.
A bright star has truly gone out in the night sky. I for one, will always remember her and our long talks, which because of my career I had let wane regrettably. Her death came as a shock. And while she will no longer be a part of my life, my life is truly better for having known her.