As I sit here pushing ten o’clock in the evening east coast time I am less than 48 hours away from the official start of Film-Com. I have been busy prepping packets to hand out. Doing laundry to get packed. Getting banners and business cards ready to go. I even cleaned my room finally to make way for some possible hardware this summer and fall. Who knows, right?
Choosing to go to Film-Com was hard. As ecstatic as I was at the invitation I was paralyzed by fear. So I went back and forth as to whether or not to go. It was a once in a lifetime kind of opportunity. People might want to buy or market my documentary.
Honestly when I decided to make the film in January I didn’t think anything would come of it. I thought I would show it at a few small to medium sized cons and film festivals. Never in a million years did I dream it would blow up so fast.
I just wrote on this platform how I felt, what I was going through, how I was getting there. And people responded. The blog became hard work in that after the first two months of writing virtually every day I felt burned out. I was promoting Gemini’s War, the first book in the Gemini Rising series. Getting ready for Fandom Fest last year.
Yet the blog was the one place I could go and be honest about how I felt about things. And as excited as I am to meet the executive and author at Film-Com I am scared that the whole thing could blow up in my face.
I have a completed film. A documentary. Where it was just me on this blog in the beginning I feel like the book and film were an exercise in different people in my life coming together to make a dream of mine come true.
Especially the film. My co-director, Missy Goodman also a producer and editor on the film Pamela Turner. A producer, editor, and all around Jill of All Trades on the production team. My Aunt Debbie and Uncle Frank for driving me to Lexington to record the sound files. My parents who provided their car for me to drive to the editing studio. To Mysti Parker, Tony Acree, and Ellen Elridge for all playing their role in getting me to Film-Com.
To think I would be entering the film world with a documentary? Not in a million years.
But now as I sit here less than 24 hours away from heading to Film-Com I have to thank those, at least anonymously who made my road infinitely more difficult than had it been something of an easier path.
Because of you I have a better movie. Because of you I am less dependent upon the past. Because of you I know sometimes people will let you down. But I also know that because of my therapist I don’t have to let these things define me and that ultimately my success is my own and that those I celebrate with truly deserve all of the accolades I heap upon them.
So many go without praise on my blog, but it’s not because they haven’t done their part in this.
Still, there are teachers along the way. Mrs. Vickers, Ms. Pompeii, Mr. Lee, Mr. Birdwhistle. And so many others I can’t possibly thank enough for being there when the world was eating me alive at that age. Then college. Richard, my debate coach for the first semester. I can’t remember your last name but I remember going to Lawton, Oklahoma and going to the all you can eat steakhouse. I remember you being shocked that I could ‘write’. Still I liked you. Making us sing on the trips we took.
I doubt you remember me, but I will always remember all of you. You all touched and saved my life in increments. If this film makes it I hope your memory is jogged and you come see it. Until then I hope you are content to know you saved this woman’s life.