Dear Daniel,

Dear Daniel,

I have some awesome news. My post on body image and struggles with food addiction landed me a regular paying gig in Target Audience Magazine. It’s an online publication that I’ve been featured on the front page of and inside before. Once they reviewed two of my books and the other time I penned an article about finding a small press. Both of those were free appearances. And while I’m not being paid a lot it’s the first time I’ve been paid for something like that .

It’s a way to chronicle my weight loss journey. As a writer I face a lot of difficult things, hell as a human being I and many others like me face difficult things. Last night as I lay in bed in the quiet of the night my loneliness and pain and depression came bubbling to the surface. During the course of the day I’d had a heavy duty argument most people fight over money. Missy and I have been best friends for fifteen years, we argue about story whenever we’re working on writing projects together. Trust me, we could give any married couple a run for their money. As it is we resolved the argument and finished the first draft of You’re the Reason.

But as I lay quietly in the room all the insecurities that I didn’t think about during the day clamored up to meet me and it triggered a depression. During the argument I sacrificed the need to be right for the desire to finish the screenplay. And in the process I catered to her need to be right. And honestly, I thought we were going to kill each other.

In her defense I’m not the best collaborator. I like having control. I don’t like having to share the leadership angle. I like losing myself in the story of the hero and the heroine a multi-pronged approach isn’t my natural voice. If you ever read my solo stuff versus my collaborative stuff you’ll see a marked difference.

Not that it’s bad. Quite the contrary both types of my projects lend themselves to a level now that most people would consider them fortunate to have. I have a book series I’m collaborating on with Missy called Gunpowder and Lead under my Kate Lynd moniker. It’s a post apocalyptic Hatfields and McCoys tale. We’re fortunate it’s a five book series and Missy just completed book 2.

And under my McCorkle name we’ve collaborated on several screenplays. Some not worth seeing and worth burning, some very good, bordering on excellent. The two most recent City of the Damned and You’re the Reason some of the best work we’ve ever done.

I’m fortunate. Even though I struggle with my emotions and insecurities and battle with my need to control and my fears of being found out the imposter where no one wants to be the imposter I know as long as I’m emotionally honest there is a better chance of me staying on track with me eating right and exercising.

I didn’t go walking yesterday but I could already tell a difference from the three days I did go walking. My regular movement I wasn’t panting as hard and my legs weren’t cramping up as much. As a matter of fact I think I’m tempted to get up on my stair stepper and do ten minutes. No doubt it will help me get ready for Fandom Fest even faster.

I so can’t wait for Fandom Fest. But that’s another post.

Sincerely,

Amy McCorkle