Wednesday, May 22, 2013
So I'm coming you late. I have my coffee and here in a few minutes I'll have to take my night time meds for the bipolar disorder and chances are I'll be too tired to write. But I wanted tell you, as bad my life can seem, sometimes the most beautiful things are born out of that ugliness.
My heroines have theme. They are strong, they are lonely, and they've been fighting the good fight on their own for so long, that when blessings come their way they're willing to go to any lengths to make sure the people responsible for those blessings know just how much they're appreciated. Yesterday I found out I was a semi-finalist in the 2013 Moondance International Film Festival for short story with my chapter excerpt from my upcoming release, Gemini's War. I was elated, to say the least.
Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be able to attend the festival. My publisher is sending me to Dragon Con! They're paying my way and everything. And at the end of the month I will be attending Night Risers Film Festival & Expo just a few miles from my home. My publisher wants me there too. At the end of August I will be attending Killer Nashville, a multi-genre writer's con, I'm entered in two of their contests, the Claymore and the Silver Falchion. One is for unpublished fiction and the other is for published books since last years Con. But as much as I'm looking forward to all of that I'm going to be at the Austin Film Festival in October with two entries. City of the Damned and You're the Reason.
What else makes today so great, I had my cards read. I know, some people think they're silly but so far everything I've been told has happened. I'm a big believer of what you put out into the Universe comes back to you. So when it was suggested I make a vision board and put different goals and hopes and dreams on there in the form of pictures and words I decided to take the leap and do it. And things have just been happening at really fast rate. I was looking for a project to put the fire in my belly about self publishing and now I have three projects I'm working on, the second book in the Gemini Rising Trilogy and a long gestating project with When Doves Cry. And an 8 book gladitorial epic that follows a young girl from the age of 14 to adulthood at 28. According to the cards (like I said may think it silly but everything that's been told to me by this reader has happened), this series will start off as a self publishing venture and gain enough success that New York will come calling. Some examples of her work include telling me I was going to sign a three book deal for Gemini's War, which happened. She said this blog would bring me success. I have landed two freelance writing assignments and a spot on a local radio talk show. She said it would and inspire people, and indeed people have contacted me both through the comments section and off list to tell me how much my blog meant to them even after being live for only a short time. Her name is Bertena Varney, she's also an author with me at Hydra Publications. Not the one in New York, the one in Madison, IN.
Today was a really good day as you can tell. But what I think is so sad about this was that I hardly spent any time with my family. And that when you hold up the picture am I happy when I'm with them that it's like my bipolar disorder. They run hot and cold.
I used to expect them to be there at my events cheering me on in my proudest moments. But there are so many factors. In that particular family unit there are three nephews. Two demanding sisters. Whom they cater to. I love them all, but they're just so damn hard to be around. I'm always at odds with them. And maybe if I had kids I'd understand. But I don't have kids. And I don't ask my parents to pay for my bills. I get a $754 a month disability check and 105 dollars in food stamps and I have to make that work.
I don't have rent right now but I did knowing living with them might bring a shitload of heartache down on me. And as you can see it does. I did so that I could attend Cons and travel for a year in the hopes launching myself to the next level in my career. And yesterday and today have given me fresh hope.
I know the power to achieve these things in the picture of my vision. Professionals I'd like to work with actors, actresses, awards I want to win, the attributes in my special guy if he's out there I'd like him to have, the different levels I want to work in. I'd like to produce a play on Broadway. I'd like to win a major award for my books. I'd like to write, produce, and direct an Oscar winning film. I'd like be on a bestsellers list like the NYT Bestsellers list so I have picture of a top ten list.
I know I'm 37, and the clock is ticking. The odds are not ever in my favor, but if work like they are then success will come way. It's just a matter of time.