Friday, May 24, 2013

Dear Daniel

Dear Daniel,

My dad(John) has a rule when it comes to the journey of weight loss. Don’t make perfect the enemy of the good. It’s something I’m reminded of this morning when I can’t sleep and the bar on my many years old day bed is digging into my back lol.

Tuesday as you may or may not recall I was told I was the recipient of a semi-finalist score at the 2013 Moondance International Film Festival competition. That was exciting. But as any addict is want to do I wanted to celebrate with my drug of choice, food.  

I started down a slippery slope. On Tuesday I went to Olive Garden, on Wednesday I went to El Nopal, and last night I ate two burritos from Taco Bell, then at midnight ate a hunk of ham, two piece of cheese, and a piece of the cookie cake I had at my red carpet event. I know it sounds like I’m nit picking but the control freak part of myself who is going to be all on my own this weekend is yelling at myself and a certain amount of self-recrimination and self-loathing is going on.

But I’ve had some real milestones this week. I was able to walk around Wal-Mart for about ten to twenty-minutes before losing my breath. Then when I went and traded in Missy’s mother’s jewelry for cash for them I was able to stand in place for about ten to twenty minutes more. And so far I’ve actually lost one pound! 288lbs, down from 289lbs. in the first week!

So I’m reminded as my stomach gave me problems from the last couple of days to get back on track because I’ve had some really good things happen.

But I’ll admit, this weekend frightens me. Whenever I’m vulnerable is when I’m likely to want to eat even more. I eat because I’m happy. I eat because I’m sad. I eat because I’m bored. I eat because I have a bad habit of popping juju fish, fruit slices, and sour slices (jellied candies) when I write.

The one thing I’ve found I can not give up, even though it hurts my gerd and I should take my prevacid for it and I never do (I know, I’m super religious about my bipolar treatment, ironic, right. Or just plain stupid.). What I can not live without is coffee. Caffeinated java. Lots of creamer. Lots of sweetner. Coffee. The elixir of everything creative that I work on. That is one addiction that I’m afraid I’m just not willing to give up in the face of every other issue I face.

The food addiction is just so powerful. I tend to have an all or nothing personality. Either I’m all in or I’m not in at all. And that’s a sword that cuts both ways when trying to change your health habits. I want so much to avoid the pitfalls of obesity. Type 2 Diabetes runs in my family on my mother’s side, as does COPD. And on my biological father’s side heart disease does. Those are things I don’t want to ignore.

So since weight loss and changing your habits is a long term marathon and not an overnight sprint I try to keep what my father says in mind. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good. I want to be good. It’s good to be a perfectionist sometimes. Like say when I’m editing a screenplay or manuscript. But on the first run through I just want to get the words out on the page. I can go back once the principal story is down and carve out a brilliant tale from there. (Although I would hardly call my work brilliant, although it is nice that I can call it award winning.)

But the point is if I try to make my work absolutely perfect I may never send it out for consideration. That being said, I don’t want to make perfect the enemy of the good work that I do. For the last two weeks I haven’t been perfect but I have been good. And I’ve been rewarded for it.

Stepping on the scale and seeing 288lbs has never made me so happy lol. But I’m down a pound. I can walk for ten to twenty minutes. And I can stand in place for ten to twenty minutes. Which is awesome. I’m recommitted to my plan. And maybe I’ll get out for a walk at the grocery store this weekend. I know it sounds goofy but I walk at the grocery store. The food doesn’t tempt me or mock me oddly enough lol. But then I’m too busy thinking as I huff and puff along, whose bright idea was this?

I wish I could walk outside this weekend. But Sunday it’s supposed to rain and storm. I haven’t heard anything about severe weather, but  as you will see, I’m terrified of the T word. I don’t want to speak it into being. And besides, that’s another post.

As it is, if you ever decide to give up something that is bad for you, my suggestion is what my dad’s is to me. Take it one day at a time and don’t make perfect the enemy of good.


Amy McCorkle


  1. I totally applaud your efforts, Amy. I'm on the same weight loss trip that you're on. I'm down twenty pounds, making me 267 or thereabouts. You will do it because you want to. Congrats on your stamina increase, too.

    1. Thank you Madeline, I measure my success in baby steps. If I don't it looks like to much to do.

  2. Keep with it Amy - Food will stop being your enemy - and one day the cravings will no longer torture you and you'll eat a meal and not immediately think OMG why did I do that? It's a long road but a satisfying one.

    1. Thank you for the words of encouragement, I really appreciate them. It's nice to know at any given time I'm not traveling this road alone.